This story is in parts...each day I will add more. I encourage you to keep reading. What you are about to read may be graphic (female reproductive system). This is very personal, I hope it doesn't offend anyone.
My health has always been poor. While growing up, I can remember being sick often...more than any of my friends and family. It really stunk...I missed out on activities because of having a low immune system. In my youth I can remember being prayed for, over and over again...wanting healing and strength from it all. I have suffered a great and wide variety of sickness through-out life. Through it all...I have a God, He loves me and makes me stronger with each and every situation. I continue to give Him the Glory as he continues to give me laughter!! He seems to fill my life with laughter...and for this I am truly thankful.
Complications with my productive organs came too early for me. I was rushed to the ER when I was 17, I was in a tremendous amount of pain. My parents and I were told this was normal for the small amount of women who suffered, and that hopefully I would grow out of it. Each month I continued to suffer as my fallopian tube would twist back and forth during ovulation causing great pain. It seemed none of my friends suffered the same...thus my story begins of feeling alone and misunderstood.
I was Innocent to believe other complications wouldn't follow. When I was 20, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was elated! At my first appointment everything seemed to be in order...and then. I get so frustrated at the "and thens"! I began to have severe complications. I was ordered bed rest by my doctor, and was scheduled for an early sonogram. The sonogram went well, I couldn't believe my eyes...this beautiful miracle inside me...my amazing little boy, sucking his thumb! I was overcome with love and joy. I went home to continue bed rest, but felt "hope" about having to lay still. I had an important job to do and I wanted to do it well.
Upon my next appointment, which was scheduled every two weeks because of my complications, I began relating information to my doctor about how I was feeling...her face began to change from a smile to a question, I became worried! She scheduled me for another sonogram...I went later that day, only to find that I was loosing my child! My body was working against me. I was angry, and stressed. There was nothing the dr. nor I could do to save my son. I was devastated! I knew this situation was up to God. So I prayed, "Give me the strength Lord".
Loosing someone is never easy. At 17 weeks, my fight was over, "Anthony" would not know me or the world! I felt like such a failure. I was disappointed in myself and even questioned God in my anger..."Am I not good enough to be a mother"? I was confused, I wept!
I had to have a simple surgery following his delivery...although with me nothing is simple, so I found. After it was all said and done, my family began to bring their condolences, sympathy, an love. I was in a daze, and truly lost. "Have you ever felt alone in a room filled with people?, That when they spoke...no words came out, just movement"? that's how I felt at that very moment.
On my next appointment, to my horror the doctor urged me to get pregnant again right away. I was shocked, "Can you be serious", were my words to follow! My doctor was one of the best in our valley, I trusted her, so I did what any good patient would do. I continued to see the Dr. every month. She had informed me that when I was ready, she would help, she had a plan.
So six months later I went in prepared. The dr. and her staff performed a little procedure on me, by tilting my uterus forward. She believed that by doing so, the baby would stay in the womb longer. I was a little apprehensive, but I knew God was by my side. I went in for my follow-up two weeks later and found that I was expecting. I was happy, but fearful. I didn't want fear to ruin the moment or be a dark cloud over this pregnancy, so I had to think positive. Leaving it in God's hands.
Although I was bed rest for the entire 10 months...it was a productive pregnancy. I read and learned a lot about my body and emotions. I was proud of myself. I didn't go stir crazy! The only time I was out of bed was for showers and dr's. appointments. This was a great accomplishment. On August 11, 1993, I became the proud mother of my first "born" child. I couldn't wait to hold her...she was truly my miracle. Her very existence changed my whole outlook on life! God had blessed me! My faith was strong.
This story will continue tomorrow...please keep reading.
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