Honking the horn like a crazy lady...yep, that was me, as I pulled my car into the driveway of my parents home. I felt light as a feather as I ran up the steps to their front door. They had been babysitting Ashley while I had been at the doctors office for my check-up. I couldn't contain my joy as I began to tell them of the miracle that just occurred in my life! Relief flooded their faces...and thankfulness filled their hearts.
I couldn't wait to tell my husband...the clock was ticking so slow! Three more hours and he will be home. This information was to precious to tell over the phone, I wanted to see his face, and experience his warm smile as I shared the good news. Finally home, I meet him outside, as we embraced, we were so happy, God is good, He was my healer.
Several weeks later I went to my next check-up feeling rather spunky. The doctor wanted to make for sure nothing had come back...I was positive my God had completely healed my body, I had no second guesses. She had informed me, everything looked good. She felt confident enough for me not to have any further treatment concerning the cancer. I asked her about having more children, her reply was "We'll take it one step at a time". She encouraged me to wait a couple months, "Giving your body a break to rest would be good". I was just excited that she felt there was a possibility I could have another baby. As I left the clinic, I caught myself smiling....real wide.
Months later...I woke up feeling very sick, I knew this type of sick. I only felt this way when I was pregnant. During the first trimester of my pregnancies, in the mornings, I couldn't hardly keep anything down, I was forever vomiting. Sure enough, I felt a little anxious as the home pregnancy test stick showed a positive sign in the window. My mind was very busy, I hope I had given my body enough time to recuperate.
Once again I found myself in the lobby of the doctors office...I should have stock in this place, I thought, I'm here so often, between Ashley's baby check-ups and my episodes.
My doctor sounded happy to see me. Checking me over, she informed me, because of my past history, I would have to have appointments every two weeks and an early sonogram scheduled. I was good with that, actually very pleased, I figured If anything begins to go wrong, maybe they can catch it.
Hearing a baby's heartbeat while it's still in the womb, is rather amazing. What a miracle, I can't quit explain the feeling. I went home with good news, baby and momma healthy and happy. Just being a couple weeks into my pregnancy, we couldn't really tell how my body was going to react. I was hoping that the third would be a charm.
It didn't take to long to find out this wasn't going to be a cake walk. Bleeding and cramping, I walked into the emergency room, it was the weekend, and I was scared once again. The E.R. doctor completed a check-up and another sonogram. He said the baby looked fine, but that I needed to start bed rest right away to help my body out. I was all for that, whatever I needed to do. He sent me home, releasing me from my household chores.
In the following weeks I began to bleed heavier, I was worried. I was scheduled for my third sonogram in a matter of four weeks. I really tried to go in hopeful...but I guess my past haunted me. As I lay on the table prepared for any kind of news, my heart began to ache. I have become really good at reading doctor's faces. I already knew, before he even began to speak. "Save your breath", I wanted to say! As the tears began to well up in my eyes, he kindly took my hand in his. He spoke softly, "Is there anything I can do"? "No", I said, "Only God can soothe my broken heart".
I went home in great disappointment...again! Boy, was this getting old fast. As Frank heard my complaints over loosing two precious babies that I would never get to hold, kiss and cuddle with, he tried to help me make sense of it. "We can try again" he said. My attitude was ripe, it stunk to high heavens, "Really, try again, I keep loosing innocent little ones and putting my body through stress, and you want me to try again"!? I'm glad he ignored my anger, or it could have turned into a hairy situation. I'm glad he understood I was hurting, and that it was just words. He's a good guy like that.
Back to the doctor....again! This time Frank went with me. The doctor gave me the same advice as before. "Give your body rest, and then try again". She reminded me about the procedure she had done before, and that it had been so successful...having Ashley. Frank winked at me as I rolled my eyes. He felt smart, since he had mentioned the very same thing to me prior to my appointment.
When I was done being angry, I turned to the only person who could truly help me with my feelings....God. I had prayed many times before, I was wondering if He was tired of hearing me complain. I know I didn't react well to my current situations, and in doing so, I wasn't giving Him any glory. Too many times I had to go to Him and apologize for my actions...I'm glad he never gave up on me.
Prior to my next visit, I had prayed again. "Lord, I'm placing all my trust in you, if this doesn't work, I'm not going to be mad or broken hearted, I know it is Your will, just give me the strength to get through the pain". After the doctor tilted my uterus, I went home to be bed rest once again...I'm going to look at it as another adventure, molding and making me who I am one step at a time, I thought.
Ten months later, after a wonderful pregnancy, with few scares, I had this gorgeous baby boy in my arms...weighing in at 7 lbs., 9 oz. His sweet little face, needing me, I'm glad that this joy out-weighed the pain I had been through so many times before.
Not only did the Lord bless me once, or twice, but three times. Twenty three months later, I was blessed with a second son. He was the smallest of all my children, 5lbs., 4 oz. He looked so tiny in his daddies arms. I am grateful for my miracles...they truly are. It took a lot to get them here safe and sound. I know I would do it all over again...even though it hurt. God was by my side every step of the way. I thank Him for blessing me with three wonderful babies, they have grown to be some awesome teenagers.
Total for all 5 pregnancies...
Days spent at the clinic: 79
Days spent in the hospital: 26
Days spent on bed rest: 887
3 Beautiful babies: Priceless!!
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